Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
