oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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