White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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