Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
