I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
