Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
