Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dicks are not precious.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
