Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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