John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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