He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
