we have pet lesbian snakes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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