Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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