Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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