just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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