What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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