in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
