I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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