Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
