I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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