I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
