is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it's like iHOP with fire
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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