then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
