the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
