Someone shit on the floor
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm having to shit out rocks
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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