I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
