Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
