Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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