Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
