I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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