So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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