Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
