i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
