you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
