i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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