Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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