btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
