He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I just put wine in my tea
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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