apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
