A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
