We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
