Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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