I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
