Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
