Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
