whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
