I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
