my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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