Define "chronic" masturbator.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
