I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
