The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
