Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
