I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
