Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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