We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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