"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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