the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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