not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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