Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
