i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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