How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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