I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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