I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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