haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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