hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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