i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
