Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
