Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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