I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
