i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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