Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
