All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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